| This morning, after teaching my yoga class, the ladies and I started talking about dating. I jokingly told them, “I’ve never really dated. In fact, the two men I dated I married! The other one, I spent close to seven years with.” They all laughed as I explained that when I was single if I didn’t get a “great vibe” off someone, right from the “get-go,” I wouldn’t consider wasting my time or theirs for a first date. For close to a year (between my two big “break-ups”), I stayed single. Besides, dating just didn’t seem to fit with where I was emotionally and spiritually.And when did I know I was ready to start dating? When he (my husband) caught my eye, my thoughts, and my undivided attention. Until then, no one interested me and dating wouldn’t be fair to someone else (someone who might be ready to commit when I clearly wasn’t). Yet, how did I “know” with such certainty that I was not only ready to date but that this was the “right” man for me? (We were engaged in four months and married nine months later!)
How did I know? Clarity and Confidence! |
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| I had clarity going into the dating scene and confidence in my ability to trust in myself to make the right decision! | |
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In fact, that clarity seems to follow me in everything I do. When I went to buy my wedding dress, it took me less than 20 minutes to pick it out, try it on, and buy it! The sales ladies were astounded and actually very impressed. The owner of the store told me I was a “confident woman who knew who I was!” The fact that I didn’t need anyone else’s opinion nor did I need to go home and think about it, showed her I possessed something powerful: Clarity and confidence. Truth is, I was slightly embarrassed and, for a split moment, began to re-think my choice. “What woman goes by herself to pick out a wedding dress and buys it in less than 20 minutes? Did I not care enough about how I looked?” No! That wasn’t it. I absolutely cared about my wedding day and wanted a fairytale wedding! But I knew what I wanted! I do the same thing with my books. I write them and send them to my publisher without anyone else reading them or giving me their opinion. I know what I want to say, just as I knew how I wanted to look at my wedding; it all just seemed logical to me. Why get influenced by everyone else’s opinion of what you should do, say, look or feel? Going back to the wedding dress: When I walked in, I told the ladies what I was looking for. They brought me a dress close to what I requested, I tried it on, and “Voila,” 15 minutes later, I walked out completely and utterly content! I didn’t need to try on 100 dresses to know what I liked, no more than I needed to date 100 men to know who “fit me right.” |
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The secret lies in knowing what you want and having the confidence to choose (or wait for) it!
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It’s no differently than Christmas shopping. I have friends who take months picking out the perfect gifts—hours and hours at the “crazy” malls. Me? I spend an hour or two reflecting on the people I need to buy for, remembering back to conversations we’d had over the past year (to where they might have dropped a hint at something they would like) and make a list. I go on-line and order as much as I can (preferably gift-wrapped), and have it conveniently shipped to me. I’ll spend one weekend finishing up stocking-stuffers and picking up a few last personal purchases. Christmas is not a stress for me, at all! And, my gifts always seem to be a huge hit with everyone. I get clear on what they want! Before you spend any more time climbing ladders in your career or dating so many people you’re ready to give up, take some time to figure out “who you are and what you want.” If you don’t know what you want, you’ll spend a lifetime wasting precious time—flipping and flopping like a fish out of water, hoping you’ll make the right choice! I couldn’t imagine going through life being unsure of what to say, what to wear, what to buy, who to date, what job to take, how to decorate my house, or for that matter, what I feel about things! I love that I live each day with clarity. I love that I have the confidence to say “yes” or “no.” I love that I have an opinion. We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t please all of the people, all of the time.” So please yourself! But maybe you have a hard time saying what you want because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Maybe you’re afraid or even embarrassed to change your mind on a decision you made months or even years ago. Perhaps, you’ve spent so much time taking care of everyone else’s needs that you’ve never even asked yourself “what you want, what you love, what lights you up, etc.” If so, I encourage you to read Helen’s “Pearls of Wisdom” in this month’s BOOST, where she implores you to tell the truth. I’d also love to invite you to read the articles written by our newest contributors “Psychic Carole” and “Musings from the Man Cave” (our first and only male writer) by Brian Johnson! Plus don’t forget to read your favorites by Yvonne MacRae, Susan Sly, Wendy Cowles, and the deeply engrossing “Dark Side of the Fitness World” by Mandy Jones! http://crystalandrus.com/newsletter/april2010 Lastly, I will boldly and courageously ask you to join me on Saturday June 5th, at my house, for the last Simply…Woman RETREAT until the fall! A one-day course in YOU! Warmly, Crystal Andrus |
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