Archive for the ‘Motivation’ Category

Better to Die in Charge than Die the Thousand Deaths of a Victim

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

Have you ever heard the saying, “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting”?

What is it that causes some of us to stay on that dreaded treadmill of life—wishing, hoping, and praying that something will suddenly get better? Are we suckers for punishment? Do we enjoy running ourselves ragged? Or do we truly believe that this is our destiny so we must live it, sacrifice, and simply allow it to take its course? Is it a deep need to be in control—to think we can change what “is” and make it be what we want it to be? Perhaps, it is merely the natural fear of the unknown. Maybe, not enough belief in ourselves or faith that God will take care of us?

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Thursday, April 29th, 2010
This morning, after teaching my yoga class, the ladies and I started talking about dating. I jokingly told them, “I’ve never really dated. In fact, the two men I dated I married! The other one, I spent close to seven years with.” They all laughed as I explained that when I was single if I didn’t get a “great vibe” off someone, right from the “get-go,” I wouldn’t consider wasting my time or theirs for a first date. For close to a year (between my two big “break-ups”), I stayed single. Besides, dating just didn’t seem to fit with where I was emotionally and spiritually.And when did I know I was ready to start dating? When he (my husband) caught my eye, my thoughts, and my undivided attention. Until then, no one interested me and dating wouldn’t be fair to someone else (someone who might be ready to commit when I clearly wasn’t). Yet, how did I “know” with such certainty that I was not only ready to date but that this was the “right” man for me? (We were engaged in four months and married nine months later!)

How did I know? Clarity and Confidence!

I had clarity going into the dating scene and confidence in my ability to trust in myself to make the right decision!

In fact, that clarity seems to follow me in everything I do. When I went to buy my wedding dress, it took me less than 20 minutes to pick it out, try it on, and buy it! The sales ladies were astounded and actually very impressed. The owner of the store told me I was a “confident woman who knew who I was!” The fact that I didn’t need anyone else’s opinion nor did I need to go home and think about it, showed her I possessed something powerful: Clarity and confidence.

Truth is, I was slightly embarrassed and, for a split moment, began to re-think my choice. “What woman goes by herself to pick out a wedding dress and buys it in less than 20 minutes? Did I not care enough about how I looked?” No! That wasn’t it. I absolutely cared about my wedding day and wanted a fairytale wedding! But I knew what I wanted!

I do the same thing with my books. I write them and send them to my publisher without anyone else reading them or giving me their opinion. I know what I want to say, just as I knew how I wanted to look at my wedding; it all just seemed logical to me. Why get influenced by everyone else’s opinion of what you should do, say, look or feel?

Going back to the wedding dress: When I walked in, I told the ladies what I was looking for. They brought me a dress close to what I requested, I tried it on, and “Voila,” 15 minutes later, I walked out completely and utterly content! I didn’t need to try on 100 dresses to know what I liked, no more than I needed to date 100 men to know who “fit me right.”

The secret lies in knowing what you want and having the confidence to choose (or wait for) it!

It’s no differently than Christmas shopping. I have friends who take months picking out the perfect gifts—hours and hours at the “crazy” malls. Me? I spend an hour or two reflecting on the people I need to buy for, remembering back to conversations we’d had over the past year (to where they might have dropped a hint at something they would like) and make a list. I go on-line and order as much as I can (preferably gift-wrapped), and have it conveniently shipped to me. I’ll spend one weekend finishing up stocking-stuffers and picking up a few last personal purchases. Christmas is not a stress for me, at all! And, my gifts always seem to be a huge hit with everyone. I get clear on what they want!

Before you spend any more time climbing ladders in your career or dating so many people you’re ready to give up, take some time to figure out “who you are and what you want.” If you don’t know what you want, you’ll spend a lifetime wasting precious time—flipping and flopping like a fish out of water, hoping you’ll make the right choice!

I couldn’t imagine going through life being unsure of what to say, what to wear, what to buy, who to date, what job to take, how to decorate my house, or for that matter, what I feel about things! I love that I live each day with clarity. I love that I have the confidence to say “yes” or “no.” I love that I have an opinion.

We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t please all of the people, all of the time.” So please yourself! But maybe you have a hard time saying what you want because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Maybe you’re afraid or even embarrassed to change your mind on a decision you made months or even years ago. Perhaps, you’ve spent so much time taking care of everyone else’s needs that you’ve never even asked yourself “what you want, what you love, what lights you up, etc.” If so, I encourage you to read Helen’s “Pearls of Wisdom” in this month’s BOOST, where she implores you to tell the truth.

I’d also love to invite you to read the articles written by our newest contributors “Psychic Carole” and “Musings from the Man Cave” (our first and only male writer) by Brian Johnson! Plus don’t forget to read your favorites by Yvonne MacRae, Susan Sly, Wendy Cowles, and the deeply engrossing “Dark Side of the Fitness World” by Mandy Jones! http://crystalandrus.com/newsletter/april2010

Lastly, I will boldly and courageously ask you to join me on Saturday June 5th, at my house, for the last Simply…Woman RETREAT until the fall! A one-day course in YOU!

Warmly,

Crystal Andrus
P. S. Be sure to sign up for my BOOSTS and get my 7 FREE GIFTS at http://crystalandrus.com

You're Taking CHARGE!!

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

If you talked to most highly successful people, they would tell you that it took hard work, perseverance, focus, and the right plan. I bet they’d also tell you that they had a little bit of good luck thrown in from time to time. Even so, there were many times when they felt like giving up (and nearly did), but something always brought them back. I’ll bet there were times they felt like frauds or felt inadequate, ill-equipped, and even terrified . . . but something always told them to stay the course.


When Failure Isn’t an Option, You’ll Succeed

The inspiring story of Thomas Edison and his 10,000 attempts to create the lightbulb should give us the encouragement to never give up. Yes, that’s right! Edison tried more than 10,000 different ways to make a glass bulb light up, and at least 9,999 times were failures. I bet it was hard for him. I bet there were moments of frustration, hair pulling, and even the odd time he felt like throwing in the towel. But he never did. I’m sure he had to continually rework his plan and stay focused on his dream of putting electric lights into homes around the world. Something in him believed that he could do it.

Don’t ever assume it was easy—not for Thomas Edison, Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Babe Ruth, Amelia Earhart, Susan B. Anthony, Joan of Arc, Martin Luther King, Jr., Oprah Winfrey, Barack Obama . . . or even for your own parents! There are millions of empowered people who have blessed our world by stepping into their power—we just don’t know their names. Whether your aspiration is to do something on a global, national, regional scale, or on a level in your own backyard, your dreams matter . . . and manifesting those dreams takes effort. Don’t ever kid yourself!

What I remind myself of is that it takes more drudgery to get up every day and go to a job you hate. It takes more exertion to live in an overweight body, dependent on medication. I know firsthand that it’s downright draining to be in an unfulfilling relationship or to be around someone who is negative or condescending. To me, that’s far harder than the energy required to keep the faith, believe in your dream, and take action! Nobody ever said it was going to be easy . . . but what’s the alternative?

Are you ready to stop waiting for someone . . . anyone . . . to wake up and notice you—notice your talents, needs, wants, and desires? Are you ready to accept yourself for who you are (for all your supposed faults, weaknesses, addictions, fears, syndromes, and dysfunctions) and love yourself regardless? If so, you are ready to become an empowered person! You’re ready to begin creating a magnificent life!

I’m sure you’ve given yourself too many “outs” in the past—too many permissible excuses, but they just don’t cut it anymore. You have a choice: to keep doing what you’ve been doing or to do something you’ve never done before. Sure, this may scare you and maybe you’re not exactly sure what to do yet. You’ll find out. You’ll make the calls, do the research, and discover your next steps. You don’t have to know the whole journey today; you just need to begin moving in the right direction.

Remind yourself that you’re worth more than you’ve been. Your life is worth more than you’ve been living. Don’t beat yourself up, guilt yourself, or blame others for your situation. It is what it is, and you’ve learned so much along the way. You’re not going to wait for anyone to give you permission to be you. You’re not going to wait anymore for someone to come along and give you the money you need to start that business, set you up on that blind date, or fix your dysfunctional family. You’re taking charge. You’re going to treat yourself the way you want to be treated and stop resisting yourself and your dreams. You’ll no longer resist asking for help when you need it or doing the things that may feel a little uncomfortable.

From this day forward, assume complete accountability for your life. You must take charge of it and do what you need to do to create a life that is genuinely yours: a life that has purpose, meaning, joy, and value. You will no longer rob yourself of your dignity, integrity, and self-respect by blaming, waiting, hoping, and praying that someone will give you the things you want. You know that if it’s going to be, it’s up to me.

You know that to achieve an empowered life, you must reach higher. You must step out of your comfort zone and your need to seek permission to live your greatest life. Make a list each evening, just before going to bed, of the seven essential action steps that you need to take the next day—seven steps that will bring you closer to your goals. Start each morning with the most important step.

You are the master of your destiny, the captain of your ship. Every choice you make (or don’t make) is yours. Never give up!

Don't Be a One-Hit Wonder!

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

A one-hit wonder is a music-industry term to describe an artist generally known for only one hit single. Think of Bobby Bloom’s “Montego Bay” or Sinéad O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U.” Why couldn’t they sustain success? Was it a lack of talent, focus, or some other cause?

There are also literary one-hit wonders such as Anna Sewell who wrote Black Beauty, Margaret Mitchell with Gone with the Wind, Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights, or J. D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye. Why on earth couldn’t these brilliant writers retain their success and create more than one best-selling novel? Let’s look at each of their personal stories:

•     At the age of 14, Anna Sewell fell while walking home from school in the rain, injuring both her ankles. She was improperly tended to and became crippled for the rest of her life. Black Beauty was written during her later years as an invalid confined to her home.

•     Margaret Mitchell won the Pulitzer Prize in 1937 for her book Gone with the Wind. She wrote for her own pleasure and kept the novel secret from her friends.

•     Emily Brontë was the second eldest of the Brontë sisters. She originally published Wuthering Heights under the masculine-sounding pen name Ellis Bell. She caught a chill and, having refused all medical help, died on December 19, 1848, of tuberculosis at the age of 30.

•     J. D. Salinger is an American author, best known for his 1951 novel The Catcher in the Rye. He hasn’t published a new work since 1965 and hasn’t been interviewed since 1980.

In my opinion, the lack of subsequent success of these authors had nothing to do with a lack of talent or even focus. There were other variables that easily explain their inability to sustain success.

Anna Sewell didn’t begin writing until her later years and died before writing another book. Margaret Mitchell lacked the necessary desire to publish books. Her second novel Lost Laysen wasn’t even found until after her death. Emily Brontë died when she was just 30 years old—the beginning of her writing life. J. D. Salinger’s novel caused so much scrutiny that he became a recluse and refused interviews. The controversy clearly scared him.

We can look at the incredibly talented but extremely angry musician Sinéad O’Connor and easily make sense of her fall from grace as well. In 1990, Sinéad’s album I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got, containing the song “Nothing Compares 2 U” (which was written by Prince), became a massive international hit and spent several weeks as the number one single in several countries. The music video also garnered huge accolades. Sinéad was nominated for a few Grammy Awards and won the “Best Alternative Musical Performance Award,” but she boycotted the award show.

Her career took a big spiral on October 3, 1992, when the star appeared on Saturday Night Live. While singing an a cappella version of Bob Marley’s “War” (a performance she’d planned as a protest over the sexual-abuse scandal in the Roman Catholic Church), she held up a picture of Pope John Paul II, tore it up after singing the word evil, and roared, “Fight the real enemy!” NBC was immediately inundated with complaints. Her records were destroyed and radio stations refused to play her songs. Since then, she’s been trying to recover and recapture her massive mainstream following, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Now let’s compare this to the commotion caused by the Dixie Chicks in 2003. Just days before President Bush invaded Iraq, lead singer Natalie Maines told a sold-out audience in London, England: “We do not want this war . . . this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas” (the Dixie Chicks’ home state). The backlash was as bad as that of O’Connor’s, with Natalie Maines receiving death threats, their records were burned, concerts were boycotted, and country radio stations refused to play their songs.

Such similar scenarios but with outcomes poles apart. In 2007, the Dixie Chicks came back to win seven Grammy Awards, including “Album of the Year,” and then picked up another six Grammys in 2008. As of March 2009, they’d sold over 36 million albums, making them the highest-grossing female band in the U.S.

Why such a different ending—from Sinéad O’Connor’s fall into a dark abyss to the phenomenal success of the Dixie Chicks? Again, it had nothing to do with a lack of talent or even focus. The lack of success had to do with other variables that easily explain O’Connor’s inability to sustain success.


Don’t Be a One-Hit Wonder!

As outlined in my new book Simply…EMPOWERED! (coming out March 1, 2010), in order to create success, we must first Clean up the mess we’ve made; Reinvent, rewrite, reprogram, and rebuild our future; Execute a plan; Assume accountability; Take immediate action; and Eliminate negativity. The Dixie Chicks did all these things. They immediately faced the public and began doing as much damage control as possible, saying that although they didn’t support the war, they did support the troops. They then went on to redefine themselves and reinvent their style by creating new sounds that would appeal to a different audience—if country-music stations wouldn’t play their songs, they’d make new ones for the mainstream stations.

If the Dixie Chicks buried their heads in the sand, cried and blamed others, and became victims who were waiting for their fans to take them back, I don’t believe they would have experienced their comeback. Likewise, if they would have remained angry, defensive, evasive, or confrontational, the public would have also rejected them. Instead, these gutsy, courageous women rebuilt their career and waited for no one to come and save them. Their brilliant manager stepped in and helped them map out a precise plan of action. They assumed complete accountability for what they said and the responsibility for rebuilding their group. They went on to eliminate as much negativity as they could by staying committed to each other, their families, their passions, and their dreams. They stayed focused on solutions, while continually uncovering any flaws in their plan. They slowly but surely swayed their fans with dignity, eloquence, and grace; they trusted in the process, asked for help, invested in what truly mattered to them, and never gave up. These ladies took the high road! When you do that, you are guaranteed success!

Sinéad O’Connor, on the other hand, took seven years to face her situation. In an interview with an Italian magazine, she blamed her action on “a rebellious girl,” and although she asked the Pope for forgiveness, nothing was ever formally sent to the Pope. Five years after that, she told another interviewer that she wouldn’t have changed a thing if she could go back.

Well, no need to worry, Sinéad. Saturday Night Live would never take you back!

Sinéad never took accountability for her actions and never got past the first step in creating an empowered life: You must clean up the mess—all of your unfinished business. The rest was predictable. If she would have conducted some damage control (like the Dixie Chicks did), explaining her own personal experience of enduring abuse and her outrage over the sexual-abuse scandal in the Catholic Church, the outcome would have been much different . . . but no one knew her story.

Sinéad’s parents separated when she was eight; she claims her mother frequently physically abused her and her siblings. In Ireland, a country that at the time forbade divorce, her father fought to turn over the court’s decision to leave the children in their mother’s care. By the age of 15, Sinéad, a time bomb just waiting to explode, was in reform school for shoplifting and truancy. She’s been quoted in more recent times as saying that during her time at the reform school she “has never—and probably will never—experience such panic and terror and agony over anything.”

A few years before the SNL incident, Sinéad’s mother was killed in a car accident, leaving the angry 19-year-old young woman devastated. Her song “Fire on Babylon” tells about the effects of her own child abuse.

Had Sinéad done things differently, she just may have won back the public and become an incredible advocate, a hero, for abused children around the world. My heart aches for this incredibly gifted but wounded woman who has the voice of an angel . . . but talent has little to do with sustaining success. Like it or not, you must know and play by the rules!

"What Do You Do When Things Go Wrong and Nothing but Trouble Comes Your Way?"

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

Three days ago we took my new website LIVE.

Excitedly, we blasted out an email to my thousands upon thousands of “supporters” asking them to “opt-in” to our new system.

Wouldn’t you know our “new system” couldn’t (or better said wouldn’t) allow for so many names to be added at once! Everything went down and I began receiving hundreds of emails from people telling me that they “didn’t get the link to opt-in”. Aaahhhh!

Some of the pages on the new site wouldn’t work. My merchant visa was accidentally canceled. No one could purchase anything! Movies wouldn’t play properly. One thing after another! Aaahhhhhh!

So what did we do? What would you have done?

Would you have panicked? Picked up the phone, started yelling . . . crying . . . gotten angry at someone? Blamed someone? I mean, there’s always someone to blame, isn’t there??? There’s always someone responsible for the mistakes!!!

Would you have buried your head in the sand or poured yourself a tall, stiff drink to settle your nerves?

Just like the song that I often sang to my children when they were young, “What do you do when things go wrong and nothing but trouble comes your way?”

Well, here’s what we did . . .

We stayed completely calm and pulled together without blame. It didn’t matter WHY. We simply assessed the situation and instantly begin weighing our options . . . focused on finding solutions!  Complaining is pointless. Blaming is pointless. Besides, there really is no ‘U’ or ‘I’ in TEAM!

We kept our team intact, knowing that if one of us couldn’t figure it out, someone, somewhere, could. We continually refocused, refusing negative thoughts from trying to enter. We stayed positive, almost jovial. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems! We knew that the moment of absolute certainty may never arrive, so we made our decisions swiftly and confidently—knowing that almost anything can be reversed if necessary. Once a decision was made, we moved on—wasting our energy, second-guessing ourselves was just that . . . a waste—pointless!

We are an EMPOWERED TEAM!

A disempowered person, on the other hand, will focus on the problem (and boy, she always seems to have a new problem!!) thinking that if she talks about it a lot—sharing her misery with anyone who’ll listen—somehow it will alleviate some of her pain. She loses friends fairly quickly, or has only a few, because most are tired of hearing her complaints.

I always remind myself that “those who complain are in pain!” Ironically, complaining does not help, as it is actually a way of avoiding  it—avoiding any responsibility!  “If we sink it wasn’t my fault!”

Talking about it a lot won’t fix a thing!!! Focusing on what you want and finding solutions does! Yes, you need to discuss problems but then you must either find a way to accept it or fix it and MOVE ON!!!

Disempowered people will look for the worst, dwell on the negative, recite “their story” as often as it seems appropriate to the conversation (they also try to find opportunities to make the conversation fit “their story”), explaining only “their side” of the story, finding reasons why “it’s not their fault”. . . as this will justify their lack of success. They may even think they are normally “positive”—a survivor who is simply sharing her tales of woe to keep you from falling prey to her same challenges.

This same approach applies to everything in life—even relationship struggles!

Staying focused on solutions is not always easy . . . but no one ever said living an empowered life is always easy. For example, how do you stay focused on finding solutions when your marriage is falling apart or when your teenage children are reckless and out-of-control? How do you stay focused on finding solutions when you’ve just been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or when the recession is severely affecting your business and you’re losing assets?

Here are my five points to keep in mind when coming up with solutions:

  1. Solutions are meant to bring you closer to long-term relief. They are meant to raise you to a higher place.
  2. There isn’t always a “perfect” solution for every problem, but you must follow your “gut” and do what feels “right”.
  3. Solutions aren’t always what you think you want. Be willing to surrender your notion of what success means to allow for the unknown to unfold.
  4. Solutions never forsake your own dignity, respect, needs, or values. You may think being a martyr or a savior is commendable but solutions that hurt you (in any way) are not solutions. You cannot help someone at the sake of yourself.
  5. Solutions alleviate pain, while bandages just stop the bleeding for a while. . .