Three days ago we took my new website LIVE.
Excitedly, we blasted out an email to my thousands upon thousands of “supporters” asking them to “opt-in” to our new system.
Wouldn’t you know our “new system” couldn’t (or better said wouldn’t) allow for so many names to be added at once! Everything went down and I began receiving hundreds of emails from people telling me that they “didn’t get the link to opt-in”. Aaahhhh!
Some of the pages on the new site wouldn’t work. My merchant visa was accidentally canceled. No one could purchase anything! Movies wouldn’t play properly. One thing after another! Aaahhhhhh!
So what did we do? What would you have done?
Would you have panicked? Picked up the phone, started yelling . . . crying . . . gotten angry at someone? Blamed someone? I mean, there’s always someone to blame, isn’t there??? There’s always someone responsible for the mistakes!!!
Would you have buried your head in the sand or poured yourself a tall, stiff drink to settle your nerves?
Just like the song that I often sang to my children when they were young, “What do you do when things go wrong and nothing but trouble comes your way?”
Well, here’s what we did . . .
We stayed completely calm and pulled together without blame. It didn’t matter WHY. We simply assessed the situation and instantly begin weighing our options . . . focused on finding solutions! Complaining is pointless. Blaming is pointless. Besides, there really is no ‘U’ or ‘I’ in TEAM!
We kept our team intact, knowing that if one of us couldn’t figure it out, someone, somewhere, could. We continually refocused, refusing negative thoughts from trying to enter. We stayed positive, almost jovial. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems! We knew that the moment of absolute certainty may never arrive, so we made our decisions swiftly and confidently—knowing that almost anything can be reversed if necessary. Once a decision was made, we moved on—wasting our energy, second-guessing ourselves was just that . . . a waste—pointless!
We are an EMPOWERED TEAM!
A disempowered person, on the other hand, will focus on the problem (and boy, she always seems to have a new problem!!) thinking that if she talks about it a lot—sharing her misery with anyone who’ll listen—somehow it will alleviate some of her pain. She loses friends fairly quickly, or has only a few, because most are tired of hearing her complaints.
I always remind myself that “those who complain are in pain!” Ironically, complaining does not help, as it is actually a way of avoiding it—avoiding any responsibility! “If we sink it wasn’t my fault!”
Talking about it a lot won’t fix a thing!!! Focusing on what you want and finding solutions does! Yes, you need to discuss problems but then you must either find a way to accept it or fix it and MOVE ON!!!
Disempowered people will look for the worst, dwell on the negative, recite “their story” as often as it seems appropriate to the conversation (they also try to find opportunities to make the conversation fit “their story”), explaining only “their side” of the story, finding reasons why “it’s not their fault”. . . as this will justify their lack of success. They may even think they are normally “positive”—a survivor who is simply sharing her tales of woe to keep you from falling prey to her same challenges.
This same approach applies to everything in life—even relationship struggles!
Staying focused on solutions is not always easy . . . but no one ever said living an empowered life is always easy. For example, how do you stay focused on finding solutions when your marriage is falling apart or when your teenage children are reckless and out-of-control? How do you stay focused on finding solutions when you’ve just been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or when the recession is severely affecting your business and you’re losing assets?
Here are my five points to keep in mind when coming up with solutions:
- Solutions are meant to bring you closer to long-term relief. They are meant to raise you to a higher place.
- There isn’t always a “perfect” solution for every problem, but you must follow your “gut” and do what feels “right”.
- Solutions aren’t always what you think you want. Be willing to surrender your notion of what success means to allow for the unknown to unfold.
- Solutions never forsake your own dignity, respect, needs, or values. You may think being a martyr or a savior is commendable but solutions that hurt you (in any way) are not solutions. You cannot help someone at the sake of yourself.
- Solutions alleviate pain, while bandages just stop the bleeding for a while. . .