One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn (and what I believe most women have a very challenging time with) is receiving. Truth be told, I haven’t fully yet mastered the Art of Receiving but I’m really working on it.
You may not even be sure what I mean by “receiving” so let me explain:
Being able to receive love, help, encouragement, generosity, pleasure, kind words and compliments, support, gifts, affection, attention, adoration, even miracles, is a naturally feminine quality, and yet so very few women know how to do it.
When a woman allows herself to embody the Art of Receiving, she is in her most feminine and empowered Self. And when she lets her man give to her, he is in his most masculine and empowered Self.
How am I so certain?
Well, let’s get down to bare bones and compare us to the sexual act:
During sex, a man is designed to give,
and a woman is designed to receive.
But it’s not just in sex.
It’s in your entire relationship.
The trouble is for the last 5,000 – 6,000 years we were taught that a good woman gives. She gives of herself to her family, friends, community, and beyond. She generously gives and gives and gives, without complaint or resentment. Her cup should runneth over…
The operative word is give “of” herself rather than give “up” herself. The latter is what has happened to many of us >>>
It’s like we’re driving down a one-way street and there’s no turning back. We literally give everything we’ve got until we run out of gas. Then, we sit there in our broken down car, waiting for someone to come and save us.
The longer we wait, the angrier we get.
Eventually, we call the tow truck ourselves and when we get back home, we’re so pissed off!
“What is wrong with all you selfish people?
Doesn’t anyone realize I broke down?
Doesn’t anyone see that I have nothing left to give?
Doesn’t anyone realize I need help?”
But we really don’t accept help. And if we do, we feel indebted. We don’t like feeling indebted. “There’s no such thing as something for nothing,” we were taught. I can do this myself.
Instead we burn out . . . resentful and exhausted.
This is a serious problem for men, women, children . . . and the world.
Believe it or not ladies, men are designed to give to us. They want to give to us. They want to take care of us. They want to be needed. Actually, they need to be needed. It is part of their masculine hardwiring.
A man needs to love his woman. He needs to care for and about us. He needs to protect and provide for us. (And this has nothing to do with control, money, or oppression.).
Ever heard the song by Percy Sledge?
When a man loves a woman, he can’t keep his mind on nothing else
He’ll trade the world for the good thing he’s found
If she is bad, he can’t see it, she can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down
When a man loves a woman,
He’ll spend his very last dime tryin’ to hold on to what he needs
He’d give up all his comforts, sleep out in the rain
If she said that’s the way it ought to be
When we allow our men to give to us, we women then have the energy to love, protect, and provide for our passions—our children, careers, friends, family, community, and personal pleasures.
We can give of ourselves, without feeling as though we’ve given up ourselves.
We can easily share our love, help, encouragement, generosity, pleasure, kind words and compliments, support, gifts, affection, attention, adoration, even miracles with others — especially our children!
It is, in fact, the natural law of the land—
the trickle down effect like a waterfall.
I believe this was the idea from 1 Corinthians in the Bible when God said, “But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.“
Man is not in charge of woman but man needs to pour his love into her . . . and she needs it.
She needs him to want her. She needs him to want to love and cherish her. When this happens, the woman is happy to respect and appreciate her man!
It’s a perfect communion. She feels wanted and he feels needed. She is in her Woman Energy and he is in his Man Energy! The cups of love runneth over!
When a man feels us receiving his love with an open heart and then, sharing it, he is energized. He has purpose. “Happy wife, happy life!”
But when a man no longer feels needed, he feels worthless. His self-esteem plummets. Marriage Breakdown 101.
Be honest, haven’t you ever said to your guy, “I don’t need you. I can do this myself.”
“Okay,” he eventually begins to think, “Fine. Do it on your own.”
Eventually, he realizes he isn’t needed. Or at least, he certainly feels that way.
He then starts checking out.
Maybe he even starts checking in with another woman, who will receive his love.
Most women don’t realize:
We have the power!
And this is not to sound power-hungry or that we want to be in a power-struggle. We do have the power and men know it. We just have to own it. And for many of us, we’ve never witnessed a woman own her power, especially in a relationship!
In fact, maybe the power-hungry men five thousand years ago knew just how much power we had over them? Maybe they strategically planned to oppress us? Maybe a woman’s power scared them?
Instead a strange and sad phenomenon happened in society. It goes something like this:
When we first meet a guy and start dating, we love when he acts like The Man. We love that he wants us! We love that he wants to think up ways to make us happy. And nothing makes him happier then when we’re happy with him!
We innately know that we need to play a little hard to get because he needs us to play a little hard to get. (Not a bitch but playful and slightly mysterious!)
It’s fun! He feels alive trying to win us! And we feel alive being chased!
He is the hunter and we are the hunted.
He needs to win us over to show us he can provide. To show us he is The Man — our man! He’ll be our knight in shining armor for life, if we’ll let him.
Then, once we know we’ve got him, we change!
We start cooking all the meals, doing his laundry, and picking up his socks (like his mother did). We grumble and complain. We start telling him how to dress, how to do his hair, and even how to floss his teeth! We may begin making fun of the little silly things he has always done. For God’s sake, I’ve even heard women complain about the way their man sleeps or breaths.
We literally become his mother.
We then passive-aggressively start making antagonistic jokes, mumble under our breath, ask passive-aggressive questions, and storm out of the room when we’re angry.
We’re in Mother Energy. He starts shutting down. He shifts into either Son Energy or Father Energy. He either becomes your Naughty Little Boy or your boring Door Mat Dad.
Either way, the sex slows down because who wants to have sex with their mother? And what mother feels like having sex? Women in Woman Energy and some in Daughter Energy (such as The Seductress) want sex, but not in Mother Energy.
He’s afraid that no matter what he does, it won’t be good enough for us. So he retreats to his man cave: his garage, basement, or local pub.
We start shutting down without realizing we did this.
We’re pissed that he is no longer giving to us, so we hang him out to dry. We throw him to the wolves. We’re unhappy. Discontent.
We start telling our girlfriends (or anyone else who is willing to listen) how much he’s changed. He’s not there for us anymore.
He feels like a failure. A loser. How did he blow this? You used to be head-over-heels for him. No wonder he isn’t acting like your knight in shining any more.
What do you want from him?
Ladies, listen to me: Your man needs your love!
He can’t function without you.
Seriously! A heterosexual man cannot function very well without a woman.
The trouble is, a man can’t give to us, unless we’ll receive him.
A man can’t be a man, unless we’ll allow it.
He doesn’t want to be sucky, soppy, wimpy, or pathetic.
And an honest man would tell you all this himself. (But he won’t because he doesn’t want to act like a boy. He wants to see him as a man.)
He doesn’t want to turn into The Door Mat Dad, The Helpless Child, or any one of the less than desirable archetypes I’m teaching in my new 12-Week Total Transformation TeleCourse: The Emotional Edge that starts May 21st!
(If you sign up before Mother’s Day, you’ll save $50! Put in the coupon code: MOTHER and hit the apply button before checking out: http://www.swatinstitute.com/12week_telecourse/)
In fact, read him this blog and tell me what he thinks! I bet he’ll agree with most everything I’ve written! I know my man does!
Now let me be very clear: I’m not saying he loves washing the dishes or getting the groceries, but he’s prepared to do it, if it makes you happy.
He just doesn’t want to be nagged, judged, and constantly told it’s never good enough.
I’d love to know your thoughts! Be sure to leave me a comment and I’ll promptly reply!
P.S. I’d love to teach you the “Art of Receiving” (plus much, much more) during my upcoming 12-Week Total Transformation TeleCourse: The Emotional Edge. It begins May 21st!
P.S.S. If you sign up before Mother’s Day, you’ll save an extra $50! Put in the coupon code: MOTHER and hit the apply button before checking out: http://www.swatinstitute.com/12week_telecourse/